


Tried my best, but wasn't praised

by Drhair76



Category: Glee
Genre: Angry Puck, Anxiety Attacks, Best Friends, Blaine Friendly, Brother-Sister Relationships, Brothers, Bullying, Cheerio Kurt, Eating Disorders, F/F, F/M, Gen, I kinda took liberties with her character, ITS CRAZY, Implied deadbeat dad, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Like, Love Confessions, M/M, Multi, Rachel Berry & Noah Puckerman Friendship, References to Depression, Sad Santana, Santana is soooo gay for brittany, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Reflection, Slushies, Songfic, Sugar Motta needs a hug, Unrequited Kurt Hummel/David Karofsky, Unrequited Love, do, do any of them know how to drink a slushie?, emma is kinda badass?, idk - Freeform, mainly because she doesn't have one, oh lordy, seriously though, slushies used improperly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-01-29 07:17:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 6,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12625938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drhair76/pseuds/Drhair76
Summary: Songs for various characters from Glee or ideas that I had while listening to my spotify





	1. i can finally see you're as fucked up as me so how do we win?

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Sick of losing Soulmates or Glee. 
> 
> Trigger Warnings: use of homophobic language and bullying.

_Song:Sick Of Losing Soulmates_

_Artist: Dodie Clark_

 

_What a strange being you are, God knows where I would be  
If you hadn't found me, sitting all alone in the dark_

 

Kurt sighed and looked across the Warbler's common room to his crush, Blaine Anderson and was barely able to hold back a sigh. 

 

He knew it was stupid to develop a crush on the first gay person he met but this was  _Blaine._  

Who picked him up and put him back together when he was shattered. 

Who took his hand and pulled him out of that stupid, dark pit that he was stuck in. 

Who showed him that  _yes it does indeed get better_. 

 

_A dumb screenshot of youth_  
Watch how a cold broken teen  
Will desperately lean on a superglued human of proof

 

He was amazing, a miracle, a beautiful collage of everything that Kurt wished he could be and had ever wanted at the same time. 

 

He was strong and so much  _better_  than Kurt, that sometimes Kurt wondered if Blaine had ever actually been hurt the way he says he had. 

 

Kurt would regret ever thinking that. 

 

_What the hell would I be, without you_

_Brave face talk so lightly, hide the truth_   


 

They were at the mall. 

Not another Gap Attack  _Thank God._

 

Kurt and Blaine were about to head into American Apparel when Kurt caught sight of three familiar red jackets. 

A jolt of fear shot through him before he remembered that he was in a public place. The worse that could happen was humiliation. 

 

Yay.  

  
_'Cause I'm sick of losing soulmates, so where do we begin_  
I can finally see, you're as fucked up as me  
So how do we win?  
Yeah, I'm sick of losing soulmates, won't be alone again  
I can finally see, you're as fucked up as me  
So how do we win?

 

"Hey Fag!" Kurt sighed but Blaine jerked. 

 

"What?" Blaine asked, but something was wrong with his voice. It was too light, too breathy. 

 

It was scared. 

 

_Well, Nope._  Kurt thought before he turned to face his tormentors. 

 

Karofsky, Azimio and some new guy who Kurt didn't recognize. He had to have been new, because he looked vaguely uncomfortable with his 'friends' actions. 

 

"Hello, useless neanderthals." Kurt replied and it was scarily easy to slip back into his role of false confidence. 

Kurt could feel Blaine shaking slightly next to him and noticed the slushies that the three dunderheads were holding and make a quick decision. He pushed Blaine behind him and squeezed his eyes shut tight. 

 

The cold was familiar, if unwanted kind of like an old, yet poisonous friend.  

 

He let the sound of Blaine's breathing and Karofsky and Azimio high fiving wash over him and he wiped the red ice from his eyes. 

 

"K-Kurt!" Blaine gasped and Kurt could feel a hand wrap around his and felt himself being pulled away. 

  
_We will grow old as friends, I've promised that before  
So what's one more?_   


 

When they finally stopped Kurt barely had time to think before he felt a dry paper towel being rubbed to his face. 

 

'Oh, the bathroom.' Kurt thought and he stopped Blaine by grabbing his wrist. 

 

"Wet works better." Kurt advised and Blaine murmured an okay and Kurt allowed himself to fall into Blaine's strong and careful hands.  

 

"I'm sorry." Blaine said when he was finished with Kurt's face and Kurt was trying to salvage his Dalton blazer. 

 

"Sorry for what?" Kurt asked genuinely confused.  _Blaine didn't have a slushie did he?_  Kurt squashed his sudden desire to check the back of his hair. 

 

"I-I should've helped you. It's just, they reminded me of my old bullies." Blaine finished with a whisper.

 

Kurt paused his vigorous wiping to stare at Blaine. He took his time to really study the boy in front of him. Who was looking back at him with tears clinging to his lashes and- _God, Kurt will remember this forever won't he?_ -vulnerability shining in his eyes. 

Who's fingers were trembling and shoulders were hunched. 

Who was  _just_  as  _broken_  as him. 

 

He took two strong strides and wrapped up the beautifully broken miracle boy and Kurt could feel him clutch back. 

 

In that hug Kurt could feel a promise. No matter what they'd stay together. 

Romantically  _or_  Platonically.  


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own How Do You Love Someone or Glee.

_Song: How Do You Love Someone_

_Artist: Ashley Tisdale_

_Ship/Pairing: Brittana, Britt/Artie_

_1/1_

 

 _Momma never told me how to love_  
_Daddy never told me how to feel_  
_Momma never told me how to touch_  
_Daddy never showed me how to heal_

When Brittney was young she never saw her parents do couple things. She learned how to be a good girlfriend from nighttime television and the radio.

On TV the girls were happy and pretty and they never said no to their boyfriends. Afterwards the boy would give the girl presents or take them out of a date. Whenever the girl would say no the boy would get angry or leave the girl. Brittney decided then that she would never say no because she hated when people got angry and left.

 _I've walked alone, broken_  
_Emotionally frozen_  
_Getting it on_  
_Getting it wrong_

In Highschool she prided herself on her record. She had slept with all the boys on the Football team, Hockey team and Baseball team. She slept with most of the Cheerios and every week she would pick out a new person to at _least_ make out with.

She loved her sweet sweet lady kisses with Santana and forced herself through the basketball team one by one.

 _How do you love someone_  
_Without getting hurt_  
_How do you love someone_  
_Without crawling in the dirt_

When she got together with her dolphin, he taught her that it's okay to say no. _Especially_ if you don't want to have sex.  
And if they leave then they didn't really care about her anyway.

 _So far in my life_  
_Clouds have blocked the sun_  
_How do you love, how do you love someone_  
_How do you love, how do you love someone_

He also taught her how to use burglar alarms for protection.

 _It's hard to talk_  
_To see what's deep inside_  
_It's hard to tell the truth_  
_When you've always lied_

When Kurt broke up with her Brittany was sad but she still had her sweet lady kisses with Santana so it was all cool. When she got together with Artie and he didn't even respond to her sexual advances she was hurt, but she understood.

It's _okay_ to say no.

Although they did still have sex.

 _How do you love someone_  
_Without getting hurt_  
_How do you love someone_  
_Without crawling in the dirt_  
_So far in my life_  
_Clouds have blocked the sun_  
_How do you love, how do you love someone_

Later on when Brittany and Santana had their two adorable kids. A baby girl with beautiful brown skin and a young boy with flaming red hair, Brittany made sure to sit them both down and teach them that's it's okay to say no.

And that burglar alarms are _very_ important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh, I love Brittany.


	3. even out eyes are different colors but we see fine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Why by Sabrina Carpenter or Glee

Song: Why

Artist: Sabrina Carpenter 

Ship/Pairing: Sam/ Mercedes

 

 

_You like New York City in the daytime_  
I like New York City in the nighttime  
You say you like sleeping with the air off  
I don't, I need it on

 

When Mercedes found herself falling for Sam she had to pause for a moment and think. 

Like  _really_  think. 

Why?

 

Mercedes and Sam were literally nothing alike. 

 

He listened to country music and played video games while she listened to R&B and watched  _Keeping Up With the Kardashians._

 

_You like the light coming through the windows_  
I sleep late, so I just keep 'em all closed  
You ignore the music on the radio  
I don't, I sing-a-long

 

When she asked Kurt and Tina about it they both provided an answer so simple she was kind of shocked she hadn't thought about it. 

"Why did I have a brief fling for Finn? And why did Tina go with Artie?" Kurt asked and Mercedes frowned. 

"Opposites attract." Tina answered easily. 

  
 _I don't ask for you to change, baby no no no_  
And you don't ask for me to change __  
Tell me how we're not alike  
But we work so well and we don't even know why

 

The rest of the New Directions were baffled at their relationship but Mercedes was comfortable in it. She knew that he wouldn't stray like Puck and that he was such a dork that sometimes even Artie couldn't stand him but Mercedes loved him. 

  
_Funny how the stars crossed right_  
'Cause we work so well and we don't even know why  
You can call it fire and ice  
But we work so well and we don't even know why  
We don't even know why, no no  
We don't even know why, no no no

 

There are some things that bother her about Sam, like the way he is so obsessed with his body. It sometimes makes her feel upset. 

"You are too obsessed with how you look! You are hot and look amazing." Mercedes huffed when he said that he was going to the gym again because he had eaten an extra bag of chips at lunch. 

"I just think it's important to look good 'Cedes." Sam replied while he packed a towel into his gym bag. 

  
 _Cold outside and you're just in a T-shirt_  
I have cold blood even in a sweater  


 

"One bag of potato chips isn't going to make your abs disappear." Mercedes sighed and Sam paused to look at her. 

 

"What if it does?" 

  
_You start your night sippin' by the Kilo_  
I don't, I know you know  
I don't ask for you to change, baby no no no  
And you don't ask for me to change  
  
Mercedes was able to convince him that eating some ice cream wouldn't kill him and the next day at lunch she was eating a salad instead of her normal tots. 

_Somehow we end up on the same side_  
And you wouldn't think that we'd be alright  
Even our eyes are different colors, but we see fine

 

"Woah, is Coach Sylvester putting you back on a diet?" Artie asked her when she sat down. Mercedes smiled and Sam answered from behind her. 

 

"She isn't. But a little balance is good." Sam said and Mercedes couldn't fight the proud smile that appeared. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I the only person who adored this pairing?


	4. even out eyes are different colors but we see fine

Song: Why

Artist: Sabrina Carpenter

Ship/Pairing: Sam/Mercedes

 

 

_You like New York City in the daytime_  
I like New York City in the nighttime  
You say you like sleeping with the air off  
I don't, I need it on

 

When Mercedes found herself falling for Sam she had to pause for a moment and think. 

 

Like  _really_  think. 

 

Why?

 

Mercedes and Sam were literally nothing alike. 

 

He listened to country music and played video games while she listened to R&B and watched  _Keeping Up With the Kardashians._

 

_You like the light coming through the windows_  
I sleep late, so I just keep 'em all closed  
You ignore the music on the radio  
I don't, I sing-a-long

 

When she asked Kurt and Tina about it they both provided an answer so simple she was kind of shocked she hadn't thought about it. 

 

"Why did I have a brief fling for Finn? And why did Tina go with Artie?" Kurt asked and Mercedes frowned. 

 

"Opposites attract." Tina answered easily. 

  
_I don't ask for you to change, baby no no no  
And you don't ask for me to change_

__  
Tell me how we're not alike  
But we work so well and we don't even know why

 

The rest of the New Directions were baffled at their relationship but Mercedes was comfortable in it. She knew that he wouldn't stray like Puck and that he was such a dork that sometimes even Artie couldn't stand him but Mercedes loved him. 

  
_Funny how the stars crossed right_  
'Cause we work so well and we don't even know why  
You can call it fire and ice  
But we work so well and we don't even know why  
We don't even know why, no no  
We don't even know why, no no no

 

There are some things that bother her about Sam, like the way he is so obsessed with his body. It sometimes makes her feel upset. 

 

"You are too obsessed with how you look! You are hot and look amazing." Mercedes huffed when he said that he was going to the gym again because he had eaten an extra bag of chips at lunch. 

 

"I just think it's important to look good 'Cedes." Sam replied while he packed a towel into his gym bag. 

  
_Cold outside and you're just in a T-shirt  
I have cold blood even in a sweater_

 

"One bag of potato chips isn't going to make your abs disappear." Mercedes sighed and Sam paused to look at her. 

 

"What if it does?" 

  
_You start your night sippin' by the Kilo  
I don't, I know you know_

_I don't ask for you to change, baby no no no  
And you don't ask for me to change  
_  
Mercedes was able to convince him that eating some ice cream wouldn't kill him and the next day at lunch she was eating a salad instead of her normal tots. 

_Somehow we end up on the same side_  
And you wouldn't think that we'd be alright  
Even our eyes are different colors, but we see fine

 

"Woah, is Coach Sylvester putting you back on a diet?" Artie asked her when she sat down. Mercedes smiled and Sam answered from behind her. 

 

"She isn't. But a little balance is good." Sam said and Mercedes couldn't fight the proud smile that appeared. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I the only person who adored this pairing?


	5. Embellishing My elegance and eloquence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of the Characters used. Ryan Murphy owns that. 
> 
> I don't own Right Hand Man either. That goes to Lin Manuel Miranda.
> 
> TW: Implied Deadbeat dad/ background bullying.

_Song: Right Hand Man_

_Artist: Lin Manuel Miranda_

 

 

  
_[HAMILTON]_  
As a kid in the Caribbean I wished for a war  
I knew that I was poor  
I knew it was the only way to—

 

Puck was Finn's best friend. That's the way it's always been-and will always be. 

 

_HAMILTON/BURR/MULLIGAN/LAURENS/LAFAYETTE]_  
Rise up!

[HAMILTON]  
If they tell my story  
I am either gonna die on the battlefield in glory or—

[HAMILTON/BURR/MULLIGAN/LAURENS/LAFAYETTE]  
Rise up!

 

When you went over to Finn's house nine times out of ten, Puck was there. They both played on the same teams together and were in the same classes since first grade. 

_[HAMILTON]_  
We will fight for this land  
But there’s only one man  
Who can give us a command so we can—

[HAMILTON/BURR/MULLIGAN/LAURENS/LAFAYETTE]  
Rise up!

 

Finn kept Puck from getting in too much trouble and Puck had Finn's back. 

_[HAMILTON]_  
Understand? It’s the only way to—

[HAMILTON/BURR/MULLIGAN/LAURENS/LAFAYETTE]  
Rise up! Rise up!

 

They both even came out together at the same time. 

_[WASHINGTON]_  
Check it—  
Can I be real a second?  
For just a millisecond?  
Let down my guard and tell the people how I feel a second?

"Puck, I have something I need to tell you." 

 

"You're not quitting basketball right? 'Cause we have a game next week." 

_Now I’m the model of a modern major general_  
The venerated Virginian veteran whose men are all  
Lining up, to put me up on a pedestal

 

"I-I think I'm Bi. Bisexual." 

 

_Writin’ letters to relatives_  
Embellishin’ my elegance and eloquence  
But the elephant is in the room  
The truth is in ya face when ya hear the British cannons go…

 

"So...you're not quitting basketball? Sorry man, I really need to know. 'Cause if we have Johnson play center we _will_ lose." 

 

"No, I'm not." 

 

"Is that it then?"

 

"Yes." 

 

"I'm guessing that you want to stop throwing that gay kid into the dumpster huh?" 

_[WASHINGTON]_  
Any hope of success is fleeting  
How can I keep leading when the people I’m  
Leading keep retreating?

"I'd like that, yeah." 

 

"Alright....Wait. I guess I have to tell you too." 

 

"Tell me what?" 

 

_We put a stop to the bleeding as the British take Brooklyn  
Knight takes rook, but look_

"I might be Pansexual." 

_[HAMILTON]_  
Let’s take a stand with the stamina God has granted us  
Hamilton won’t abandon ship  
Yo, let’s steal their cannons—

"Pansexual? You like pans?" 

 

"No. I mean, I don't mind a good cooking utensil but no. I like a little bit of everything. Gender doesn't matter to me." 

 

"Okay." 

 

"Cool." 

  
_[WASHINGTON]_  
We gotta run to Harlem quick, we can’t afford another slip  
Guns and horses giddyup  
I decide to divvy up  
My forces, they’re skittish as the British cut the city up  
This close to giving up, facing mad scrutiny  
I scream in the face of this mass mutiny:  
Are these the men with which I am to defend America?  
We ride at midnight, Manhattan in the distance  
I cannot be everywhere at once, people  
I’m in dire need of assistance…

Puck trusted Finn on and off the field with practically everything. Finn would sometimes come over and help Puck cook dinner for his sister and his mom or made sure that Puck went to at least two Biology classes a week. 

_[HAMILTON]_  
You need all the help you can get  
I have some friends. Laurens, Mulligan  
Marquis de Lafayette, okay, what else?

 

 

Puck made sure to keep his schedule open, just in case Finn needed help with anything. 

_[WASHINGTON AND COMPANY]_  
Outnumbered, outplanned!

[HAMILTON]  
We’ll need some spies on the inside  
Some King’s men who might let some things slide

 

Finn told Puck (and his mom) about his first kiss with cheerleader Quinn Fabray and Puck told Finn about his first makeout session with cheerleader Santana Lopez. 

_[HAMILTON]_  
I’ll write to Congress    
and tell ‘em we need   
supplies, you rally  
the guys, master the  
element of surprise   

 

Finn was always ready to head down to the junkyard with his baseball bat with Puck in tow, whenever Puck was angry thinking about his dad. He always pretended not to see the tears that came while he was destroying a car or some spare parts.

_Chicka-boom!_  
I’ll rise above my  
station, organize  
your information, ‘til  
we rise to the occasion  
of our new nation. Sir!

If there was ever a bad thing said about Finn, whoever said it would mysteriously end up with a black eye or worse. 

 

_[FULL COMPANY]  
Here comes the General!_

_[HAMILTON]  
What?  
_  
Puck looked out for Fonn and his rep and Finn looked out for Puck and his future. 

 

_[WASHINGTON]_  
And his right hand man!

[FULL COMPANY]  
Boom!  


They are more than bestfriends.

 

They're brothers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I fully believe in Pan!Puck. 
> 
> YOU CAN FIGHT ME.


	6. you've ruined my life by not being mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or Gorgeous, that honor belongs to Ryan Murphy and Taylor Swift respectively. 
> 
> Trigger warning: Slightly Homophobic thoughts

_Song:Gorgeous_

_Artist: Taylor Swift_

_Pairing/Ship: One sided Dave/Kurt_

 

 

_You should take it as a compliment_  
That I got drunk and made fun of the way you talk  
You should think about the consequence  
Of your magnetic field being a little too strong

 

Dave hated Kurt Hummel. He hated him and he made sure that Kurt knew it every second of his time at Mickley High. 

 

  
_And I got a boyfriend, he's older than us_  
He's in the club doing, I don't know what  
You're so cool, it makes me hate you so much (I hate you so much)

 

Kurt was just so ~~beautiful~~... _proud_  about who he was. Wearing those tight jeans and loose shirts and sexy stupid skirts. 

  
_Whisky on ice, Sunset and Vine  
You've ruined my life, by not being mine_

 

Kurt Hummel kissed him. 

 

No matter what  _he_  said or thought his lips,  ~~Soft and warm and tasting like sugar~~ , touched his and _forced him_ into it. 

 

_You're so gorgeous_  
I can't say anything to your face  
'Cause look at your face

 

He sang and danced all over Dave's school and he was sick and tired of it. 

~~Sick and tired of wanting him so much.~~

 

So he talked to Azimio, telling him things like, 'I heard that the gay can spread.' 

 

_And I'm so furious_  
At you for making me feel this way  
But what can I say?  
You're gorgeous

 

What he didn't say is that it spread to  _him_. 

 

_If you got a girlfriend, I'm jealous of her_

 

When Hummel showed up with his prep boy friend, (notice the space between boy and friend-he was praying for the space) he almost punched both of them. 

 

The only difference between the two hits would've been the fact that Dave would've savored being able to touch Hummel's face. 

 

_But if you're single that's honestly worse_  
'Cause you're so gorgeous it actually hurts  
(Honey, it hurts)

 

He always made sure that he was the one who threw those cherry slushies at Kurt, because he watched the way those red droplets rolled down his neck and those curls and forced himself to shout an insult at him before turning away. 

 

So that he could pretend that he wasn't imagining being able to lick the slush off his long white neck slowly. 

_Ocean blue eyes looking in mine  
I feel like I might sink and drown and die_

 

When Hummel followed him into the locker room it took all that he had to not break down. 

His eyes were beautiful, when he was angry they were dark and stormy, yet clear with passion and purpose. 

Dave could write poems about those eyes. 

  
_You're so gorgeous_  
I can't say anything to your face  
'Cause look at your face  
And I'm so furious  
At you for making me feel this way  
But what can I say?  
You're gorgeous

 

It was honestly worse when Hummel transferred. The only thing that Dave could do was imagine him in the halls and in the choir room and in the cafeteria. 

 

Before he would imagine pinning Kurt up against the lockers and kissing him silly and him  _liking_  it, but now he can only see him cowering in fear, or flinching when he walked by. 

 

And it  _hurt_. 

_You make me so happy it turns back to sad  
There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have_

 

Dave Karofsky hated Kurt Hummel.

  
_You are so gorgeous it makes me so mad_  
You're gorgeous  
You make me so happy it turns back to sad  
There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have  
You are so gorgeous it makes me so mad  
You're gorgeous

 

Dave Karofsky hated Kurt Hummel because he couldn't love him.


	7. "These are the lies that I tell myself at night"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Ryan Murphy owns Glee and The Cab owns These Are The Lies

_Song: These Are The Lies_

_Artist: The Cab_

_Ship/Paring: Santana/Dani + Brittany/Sam_

_I don't love you, I don't need you.  
I don't ever want to see you again._

Santana knows that long distance relationship hardly ever work. Look at Kurt and Blaine. 

 

She thought that Porcelain and the Hobbit would get married and have three gay children together. And she didn't have much faith in Man-Hands and Finnocence, considering the fact that she was always harping on him, but they were going to get married and it was supposed to be fine or whatever. 

 

But the long distance is what broke them. The distance made Blaine cheat on Kurt. Nothing else. He would never have done that if Kurt was there-with him. 

 

The distance made Rachel feel lonely. Made her like Brody. The distance hurt both of them. 

 

She didn't want that to happen with her and Brittany. 

 

_'cause girl, I moved on and things are perfect.  
I'm okay with us just being friends._

Santana did not have feelings. She didn't care how you felt after she tore you down and she never would. 

 

But she cared about Brittany. 

 

She cared about the way Brittany saw her and how Brittany felt about her and she cared about how her actions affected Brittany. 

 

She knew that breaking up with Brittany would hurt her. She knew this. But she also knew that Brittany needed someone to hold her and eat Lucky Charms with her and she needed someone to talk about her cats with. In short, she needed someone right there, someone next to her. 

 

And Santana couldn't do that. 

__

'cause I don't think about you every single night; I'll be fine without you.  
Can sleep tight when I'm not beside you; I'm moving on.  
No, I don't cry about you; never seen tears in my eyes about you.  
Gonna be fine if I die without you; Baby, I'm gone.

So she broke up with her. And she told herself that she didn't care that Brittany was crying or that she was sad or that she stopped doing Fondue for Two. 

(It was so easy to do it wit everyone else, why was it so hard for her with Brit?)

 

She could see the way that trouty lips was looking at Brittany. She wanted to stop him she wanted to be angry. But she couldn't because she didn't care. 

__

These are the lies that I tell myself at night.  
These are the lies that are keeping me alive.  
These are the lies.

Meeting Dani was kind of helpful. She was the complete opposite of everything that Brittany was. 

 

She didn't talk about her cats, or understand when she gushed about cheerleading, she didn't try and stop her when she talked about Man-Hands. 

 

And her touches were different. 

__  
I've got a new girl and she's my whole world,  
And I don't care if you're not sleeping alone.

Brittany's hands were always soft and caring. She was always careful, she touched like it could've been her last time ever touching Santana. She cherished every moment and after she was done she would press kisses where she touched. 

 

Santana always felt like a queen, but with Brittany she felt like a princess.  

__  
'cause life is so good; I'm doing so good.  
Don't spend hours sitting here by the phone.

With Dani she felt normal. She didn't feel special, or cherished, like every moment spent with Dani could've been her last and she couldn't care less. Having Dani didn't mean anything to her. She was just a body to lay with, just a person to touch. 

 

It was just like Highschool all over again, except this time she didn't even have Brittany to talk to. 

  
_'cause I don't think about you every single night; I'll be fine without you._   
_Can sleep tight when I'm not beside you; I'm moving on._   
_No, I don't cry about you; never seen tears in my eyes about you._   
_Gonna be fine if I die without you; Baby, I'm gone._   


Of course she would look at Kurt and Blaine hooking up during the wedding and Rachel screwing herself over with Brody and she would know that she made the right choice but that didn't mean much right now. 

As she watched Brittany cuddle with Sam and restart Fondue for Two and laugh without her. She got to watch Sam enjoy Brittany's love-because as much as she would like to believe it Brittany loves everyone that way-not just her. 

 

So she lied, she lied and pretended that Brittany wasn't on her mind. She focused on Berry and Hummel's failed relationships and tore them down so she could ignore her own bleeding heart. 

_'cause the truth is, I'm about to lose it._   
_Don't think I can do this if I'm not with you._   
_'cause the truth is, I'm about to lose it._   
_Don't think I can do this if I'm not with you._   
_'cause the truth is, I'm about to lose it._   
_Don't think I can do this if I'm not with you._   
_'cause the truth is, I'm about to lose it._   
_Don't think I can do this if I'm not with you._

Because Santana didn't have feelings. And she didn't care about Brittany S. Pierce. 

_These are the lies that I tell myself at night._   
_These are the lies that are keeping me alive._   
_These are the lies._   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, thats a little sad. Maybe the next one will be happy?


	8. Spent my whole life being graded, on the sanctity of patience and a dumb appreciation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any characters associated with it, and I do not own the song Fairytale.
> 
> Trigger Warnings: Quinn is really hard on herself in this bit, just a little venting from me? Sorry, it's completely skippable.

Song: Fairytale

Artist: Sara Bareilles 

 

 

 

_Cinderella's on her bedroom floor_   


_She's got a crush on the guy at the liquor store_   


 

Emma gritted her teeth as she scrubbed the Kitchen floor. It doesn't matter that she's already done it twice, it doesn't matter that her arm aches and she had to get up early tomorrow for school. 

  
' _Cause Mr. Charming don't come home anymore_

_And she forgets why she came here_

 

What mattered was that Will stayed late at school almost every day. What mattered was that anytime Will did come home, it was with funny stories about Holly. What mattered was that Emma can't remember why she moved in with Will in the first place. 

He was charming and seemed nice and friendly but recently he'd been coming home later and later and Emma can't even remember the last time they ate lunch together. This relationship seemed very one sided. 

  
_Sleeping Beauty's in a foul mood for shame_  
She says, "None for you, dear Prince, I'm tired today  
I'd rather sleep my whole life away  
Than have you keep me from dreaming"

 

Santana eyed her current boyfriend with a look of distaste and obvious frustration. She wanted nothing to do with the reckless playboy and his uncaring attitude to her. All she wanted was her sweet lady kisses but Santana knew that actively pursuing a relationship with her crush would only result in disastrous results.   


 

_'Cause I don't care for your fairytales_  
You're so worried 'bout the maiden  
Though you know she's only waiting

_On the next best thing, next best thing_

 

Puck turned to meet her gaze from across the table and smiled at her cockily. Santana pushed back a gag of disgust and shot him a sultry look. When he turned away, the expression immediately dropped and she gazed at Brittney with a dreamy look on her face. 

Santana wondered if Brittany ever thought about her. 

 

_Snow White is doing dishes again_  
'Cause what else could you do with seven itty-bitty men?  
Sends them to bed and she calls up a friend  
Says, "Would you meet me at midnight?"

 

Tina was tired of Mike. He was always doing the exact same thing for the exact same date all the time. She wanted new, she wanted excitement, she wanted Matt. 

Matt had asked her, oh so long ago, to the fair and Tina, stupidly said no. She thought she loved Mike. She was such an idiot. 

So when Mike asked her if she wanted to go to dinner again, wit her his mom she promptly declined. She stated that she deserved better and then called up Matt, with questions about a fair.   
  


_The tall blond lets out a cry of despair_

_Says, "Would've cut it myself if I knew men could climb hair_  
I'll have to find another tower somewhere  
Keep away from the windows"

_'Cause I don't care for your fairytales_

 

Being pregnant does things to you. 

And not just the normal, baby growing inside of you things, but the things no one tells you about. Like sometimes Quinn will look at girls in the Cheerios and see them fawning over boys and think  _'Disgusting. I can't believe I used to be that.'_  And then she would look down at her swollen stomach and feel sick and think. 

' _Disgusting. Look where that got me.'_  
She kinda wished she could swear off men, especially guys like Noah Puckermen and even guys like Finn Hudson.

 

_You're so worried 'bout the maiden_  
Though you know she's only waiting  
On the next best thing, next best thing

 

After this baby, Quinn can only hope that they'll be a nice person who can take care of her and not treat her like a piece of meat. 

 

_Once upon a time in a faraway kingdom_

_Man made up a story, said that I should believe him_  
Go and tell your white knight that he's handsome in hindsight  
But I don't want the next best thing

 

Shawn was great. He was amazing and charming and handsome. Mercedes wanted to want him but she just  _Didn't_. 

No one ever told her this, but being in a relationship was tiring. Having to be focused on anything other than success seemed atrocious to her. 

She loved to be loved but she couldn't handle watching Rachel Berry just bop bop bop bop her way up to the top where she belong. 

Something needed to change. 

It was kind of ironic but Shawn was holding her back. He was the most supportive boyfriend that Mercedes had ever had and yet-she wasn't getting what she needed from him. 

Maybe someday down the road she could juggle her career and her love life, but not now. 

Not when it mattered the most. 

__  
So I sing, I hold my head down  
And I break these walls 'round me  
Can't take no more of your fairytale love  
I don't care for your fairytales

 

When Finn first kissed Rachel she was ecstatic, she had gotten everything she could ever want, and everything she never knew she needed. 

She was a star, her dreams were well within her reach and she had kissed a very hot guy. 

But then she wasn't a star, she was being replaced and Finn was denying their connection. 

Rachel had grit her teeth and took it when she found out that Finn was just manipulating her into coming back to Glee for his own sake, she took it when he so obviously liked her but decided to hang around Quinn, in obligation. 

But she wasn't going to take it much longer. 

Some stars needed to fly solo until they got where they wanted to go and then they could find someone, hopefully one who was already there. 

  
_You're so worried 'bout the maiden_  
Though you know she's only waiting  
On the next best thing  
I don't care, I don't care

 

"I'm breaking up with you." 

Will paused and looked at Emma with shock and confusion on his face. Emma through that he had no right to look at her like that, especially since this was the first time she had sat down to dinner with him in a month. 

"You-uh-what?" 

 

_You worry 'bout the maiden  
Though you know she's only waiting  
Spent her whole life being graded  
On the sanctity of patience  
And a dumb appreciation_

 

 

"I'm breaking up with you." Emma said again, this time slower, annunciating every syllable. The first time she spoke the words a cloud of anxiety fogged her lungs but saying them again shot a jolt of giddiness through her. 

 

_But the story needs some mending_

_And a better happy ending  
'Cause I don't want the next best thing_

 

When Will couldn't find the words Emma stood. "I love you Will, but I can't be here and watch you spend all your time dealing with the glee kids. I know you love them and I do too, but it's unhealthy, the amount of time you spend on them." 

"I-I didn't notice. Emma, Emma I'm sorry." Will stuttered and Emma nodded. 

"I am too. If I wanted to be ignored, I would have just stayed single." 

"Em-emma!" 

But Emma Pillsbury was out of the door. She was looking for the next best thing. 

 

_No, no, I don't want the next best thing_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, one i loveee this song. seriously go listen to it, i love all of her songs. dont be surprised if you see her name again. 
> 
> and two, the amount of time that will spends with the glee club is a little concerning. tbh i can see it when hes with terri, cause i would try to spend as much time away from her as i could but will needs some nice friends that dont have anything to do with his job, or his kid's lives.


	9. I know that you don't want me here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or any characters associated with it. I also don't own 6/10, that belongs to the ever beautiful Dodie Clark.

Song: 6/10

Artist: Dodie Clark

  
_I feel like a six out of ten  
I gotta get up early tomorrow again_

Sugar wasn't an idiot.

She knew that she couldn't sing. She watched the New Directions' performances in a daze, watching trophy after trophy go to them but them seeing them get frozen multicolored juice thrown onto them in the halls.

She watched the entirety of McKinley High cheer wildly after any performance they had but she turned around and watched them get teased and called gay for doing what they loved.

_What goes on behind the words?_

At McKinley she wasn't popular.

She walked alone in the halls, sat alone at lunch, and walked home alone.

She had never been slusheied, never called a unkind name, never been bumped meanly in the hall.

At McKinley Sugar wasn't popular, but she wasn't unpopular either.

_Is there pity for the plain girl?_

In the beginning, she saw what she wanted. She watched those Cheerios get almost everything, she watched the football players actually get everything.

She wanted that.

She wanted to walk down the hall, everyone staring, everyone talking, whispering about her.

She tried out for the Cheerios and didn't make it.

She tried to appeal to some of the jock's as a girlfriend and got rejected.

She tried buying as many friends as she could with her money, but it didn't work.

_Can you see the panic inside?  
I'm making you uneasy, aren't I?_

It was then, as she sat alone at lunch again, that she noticed the Glee Club.

They seemed to set apart from the rest of the lunchroom. Which was an astonishing feat, considering the way the lunch tables were arranged.

They all sat together, the skinny white boy wearing knee high boots was saying something that the curvy black girl and goth Asian girl were laughing at. There was a kid in a wheelchair who was gesturing wildly to, who Sugar knew to be, Noah Puckerman while Finn Hudson only half listened to a brown haired girl, who was hanging all over him.

Of course she knew what they did. There was no way she couldn't.

They were practically just as well known as the Cheerios. Every single club at this school was boring and dull. No one gave a second look to the book club, or the astronomy club. But people noticed the Glee club.

Every single one of them.

_What goes on behind the words?  
Is there pity for the plain girl?_

So when Sugar walked into the Chior room, false confindence dripping from the crown of her head to the tips of her designer shoes, she knew that Shue wouldn't reject her.

She sang her heart out, prancing around like a complete idiot, wincing internally when she completely botched the notes.

At the end she faced the group of people who were supposed to be all accepting and got slapped with rejection.

_I'll close my mouth, I won't say a word  
A nod of pity for the plain girl._

Sugar was confused and more than a little hurt. She played it off, announcing that their missing a big star and left the room.

The next day at lunch (alone) she watched closer. Now, she could see the cracks in the supposed 'Glee' club.

The curvy black girl was missing and the skinny white boy, Kurt, picked at his food disinterested in whatever the big nosed girl was saying. She could clearly see the distrust between Finn and Rachel and the weird vibes between Mercedes and Shue.

But she watched Mercedes, Santana and Brittany all sit together, shooting glares over at the other table and had an idea.

_I know that you don't want me here_

When Sugar walked into the TroubleTones practice room, looking for a lead role, it was genuine.

But what she really wanted wasn't just a spotlight trained on her, she wanted friends. Real friends, not ones that she had to buy with money or persuade to hang out with her. She wanted to be liked.

Was that so much to ask?  
  
_I know that you don't want me here_

But when Santana laughed in her face, she knew.

_I know that you don't want me here_

And when Mercedes rolled her eyes, she knew.

_I know that you don't want me here_

And when Brittany gave her a sweet but pitying smile, she knew.

_What goes on behind the words?  
Is there pity for the plain girl?_

So Sugar didn't make a fuss. She didn't yell or get angry or protest. She just took Santana's verbal abuse and Mercedes' passive aggressive gestures with a beaming smile.

_I'll close my mouth, I won't say a word_

She offered her money (the only thing she's good for) and her time, (something they don't even want) for a group that's wouldn't even give her the time of day.

_A nod of pity for the plain girl._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sugar Motta is my favorite character. I'm kinda mad that we didn't have a little more insight into her character but I guess that means that I can speculate on it. (And procrastinate on my PBA)

**Author's Note:**

> I sort of cut the song off because the lyrics didn't fit with the story vibes so I might do a part two of this song???? ehhhhh


End file.
